I am looking for a paying job and a place to live because as this year was my sixtieth year of residence on this planet earth ..... i am in need of the security of a home and a regular life. I was talking to a young French-Algerian girlfriend who was a teacher of journalism and communication at the Paris Saint Denis university. She was awsome for having made it to a teaching job. She had achieved her PHD and had made it in her thirties to a very sought after position. It was a demanding life style.
She had told me that a friend of hers, who had a big house in the countryside was ready to give a room in her house in exchange for some help. This woman who she said was from Denmark had had eight children from two marriages and had collected a lot of things remaining from her past life and couldn't get the objects sorted out without a helping hand. For me it was an opportunity to get to know some new people and it is always interesting to know how people live.
On a sunny Sunday afternoon in June i arrived at a small village (close to Metz) on a date to meet up with Mrs M. who was a very respectable lady working at a well known European institution etc. She said that there was a party going on at the parish church where the minister was leaving after 25 years of service .... there was also a quire singing outdoors .... It was a perfect day and i was happy about making the wild effort to leave my comfort zone in order to chase after "the unknown". Mrs M. said that she was a Buddist but she liked to sing and that was one of the reasons she went to the catholic church services.
We had to drive to her home which was very far from the bus station . I had taken a bus to come to meet her but now we were going to her house in her car and that would mean i would be dependent on her to get back. I was not worried seeing that she was a friendly type of person and she was telling me about her two husbands and her eight children. I asked her if she had had so many of them because she was a catholic! She was surprised and said that it had just happened that way. The first husband had asked for a divorce and now she was having issues with the second one because she was working and he had been unemployed for some years. She said he was a stay at home dad and good with the children.
We reached the house and she said that she had had to buy the house because they had been living in a rented place but had had to move some years ago and now she had two apartments she could rent out. The only thing that was hindering her was that that her house was full of boxes which she couldn't part with because they were things reminding her of moments of the past years. The apartments had to have work done on them before they could be rented out .... i could tell it was a huge amount of work as we walked up the steps to one of the rooms where she was putting me up for the night. In fact we had to clear up the room before i could get into bed. She and husband were now living with her four sons and one daughter .... in the caos and jungle of objects from their past strewn everywhere and with her wanting to keep them all.
I knew how it was with people who had that collecting mania .... my mother had been a collector and after my parents death i had had to give away everything and i was glad if people took them and could put them to some use. I could have sold a whole lot of things, but i felt helpless just to look at them. They were things which evoked a past life .... where we believed in and waited for "the future" and the good times "which were about to happen" ..... not realizing that the best times were right there in the present moment . Obviously meaning; when everyone of us was Healthy and on our feet..... full of energy and in peace and there for each other ..... we could be aware that we were doing well .
When we had chatted over the boxes for some hours , we just managed to take some from one room to another . I was surprised to see that even tho their toys and playthings where all over the place she wasn't calling them up to clear their own things. Was i wrong in thinking that they were spoilt? Her children didnt appear on the scene at all and were all busy with their laptops and i phones and she couldnt ask any of them to come and help with the clearing up. She couldn't do a mother's job because having bought a house with her own financial strenght she was no longer the warm loving mum who they could go to for a hug .... Perhaps some mothers tend to leave that "warm" league soon after they have a visa card that is active and desirable !
I never thought that going to the outbacks in the beautiful green countryside i would find people going through the same things i had gone through in the 70's .
In my days it was the TV which was a communication killer. It would mesmerize the whole family and we couldn't be bothered to talk to each other even when talking was necessary. Today the phone and the internet and PC's have taken over our lives and i noticed that in this household everyone was in their rooms and the five kids were really quiet.
The lady of the house however had a lot of things on her chest and we were chatting away while putting things away in the boxes. She was telling me that every item was full of memories which had been happy moments for her. I said "i understand how you feel, but today you are living in the "here and now" and you cannot afford to be living in the past ..... if these clothes and play things are distracting you from living in the present , you can at least put them away in a deposit and clear the house from clutter. Meanwhile in my mind, I was thinking of a Somali woman i had known in Florence who i had seen chatting with her little girl as if the child was her best friend and i was thinking how strange it is that you can produce five healthy children but that non of them will be your friend (and want to give you their time). Perhaps that friendliness and invaluble family communication comes with making a point of spending time with your kids rather than trying to do everything on your own.
Before i left , my host showed me a video she had made. She told me she had composed a song (the poems and the music) and had had it sung in the quire at the church we had gone to .... it was called
" Stop Complaining!" . She showed it to me on the i phone. That was very impressive. I watch a lot of Evangelist programes on U tube and a lot of sermons have this message ..... however i don't happen to agree with this message .... because i was a child who never complained or rebelled , but i always felt as if i was burdening my parents with my presence. It was not a healthy way to live. You need to express the things that you think are not working out and only then can you put some things right ...... if we don't talk to each other even about our everyday life , what is going to remain of the personal relationships ? Everything in a balanced measure .... and i would have liked to say ; "I am sorry i am hurting your feelings by saying this , but i think the better message could be , for us to sing Halleluja and to remember the cretivity in the universe .... as the Chinese wisdom of the I Ching tells us , we should vigorously and energetically strive towards the positive so that there is no room for grumbling and lamentations . A message which could be expressed in a Poetical metaphore rather than in Prose (as in a command ie stop complaining! ) , and i didn't tell her what was on my mind ..... My dear Lady of the Mannor "Money does not buy Love " but spending time with each other and caring communication, plus having fun times together could certainly do a family a whole world of good ........ and conducive to our generously giving away and parting with the withered moments which we stack up in boxes.
She had told me that a friend of hers, who had a big house in the countryside was ready to give a room in her house in exchange for some help. This woman who she said was from Denmark had had eight children from two marriages and had collected a lot of things remaining from her past life and couldn't get the objects sorted out without a helping hand. For me it was an opportunity to get to know some new people and it is always interesting to know how people live.
On a sunny Sunday afternoon in June i arrived at a small village (close to Metz) on a date to meet up with Mrs M. who was a very respectable lady working at a well known European institution etc. She said that there was a party going on at the parish church where the minister was leaving after 25 years of service .... there was also a quire singing outdoors .... It was a perfect day and i was happy about making the wild effort to leave my comfort zone in order to chase after "the unknown". Mrs M. said that she was a Buddist but she liked to sing and that was one of the reasons she went to the catholic church services.
We had to drive to her home which was very far from the bus station . I had taken a bus to come to meet her but now we were going to her house in her car and that would mean i would be dependent on her to get back. I was not worried seeing that she was a friendly type of person and she was telling me about her two husbands and her eight children. I asked her if she had had so many of them because she was a catholic! She was surprised and said that it had just happened that way. The first husband had asked for a divorce and now she was having issues with the second one because she was working and he had been unemployed for some years. She said he was a stay at home dad and good with the children.
We reached the house and she said that she had had to buy the house because they had been living in a rented place but had had to move some years ago and now she had two apartments she could rent out. The only thing that was hindering her was that that her house was full of boxes which she couldn't part with because they were things reminding her of moments of the past years. The apartments had to have work done on them before they could be rented out .... i could tell it was a huge amount of work as we walked up the steps to one of the rooms where she was putting me up for the night. In fact we had to clear up the room before i could get into bed. She and husband were now living with her four sons and one daughter .... in the caos and jungle of objects from their past strewn everywhere and with her wanting to keep them all.
I knew how it was with people who had that collecting mania .... my mother had been a collector and after my parents death i had had to give away everything and i was glad if people took them and could put them to some use. I could have sold a whole lot of things, but i felt helpless just to look at them. They were things which evoked a past life .... where we believed in and waited for "the future" and the good times "which were about to happen" ..... not realizing that the best times were right there in the present moment . Obviously meaning; when everyone of us was Healthy and on our feet..... full of energy and in peace and there for each other ..... we could be aware that we were doing well .
When we had chatted over the boxes for some hours , we just managed to take some from one room to another . I was surprised to see that even tho their toys and playthings where all over the place she wasn't calling them up to clear their own things. Was i wrong in thinking that they were spoilt? Her children didnt appear on the scene at all and were all busy with their laptops and i phones and she couldnt ask any of them to come and help with the clearing up. She couldn't do a mother's job because having bought a house with her own financial strenght she was no longer the warm loving mum who they could go to for a hug .... Perhaps some mothers tend to leave that "warm" league soon after they have a visa card that is active and desirable !
I never thought that going to the outbacks in the beautiful green countryside i would find people going through the same things i had gone through in the 70's .
In my days it was the TV which was a communication killer. It would mesmerize the whole family and we couldn't be bothered to talk to each other even when talking was necessary. Today the phone and the internet and PC's have taken over our lives and i noticed that in this household everyone was in their rooms and the five kids were really quiet.
The lady of the house however had a lot of things on her chest and we were chatting away while putting things away in the boxes. She was telling me that every item was full of memories which had been happy moments for her. I said "i understand how you feel, but today you are living in the "here and now" and you cannot afford to be living in the past ..... if these clothes and play things are distracting you from living in the present , you can at least put them away in a deposit and clear the house from clutter. Meanwhile in my mind, I was thinking of a Somali woman i had known in Florence who i had seen chatting with her little girl as if the child was her best friend and i was thinking how strange it is that you can produce five healthy children but that non of them will be your friend (and want to give you their time). Perhaps that friendliness and invaluble family communication comes with making a point of spending time with your kids rather than trying to do everything on your own.
Before i left , my host showed me a video she had made. She told me she had composed a song (the poems and the music) and had had it sung in the quire at the church we had gone to .... it was called
" Stop Complaining!" . She showed it to me on the i phone. That was very impressive. I watch a lot of Evangelist programes on U tube and a lot of sermons have this message ..... however i don't happen to agree with this message .... because i was a child who never complained or rebelled , but i always felt as if i was burdening my parents with my presence. It was not a healthy way to live. You need to express the things that you think are not working out and only then can you put some things right ...... if we don't talk to each other even about our everyday life , what is going to remain of the personal relationships ? Everything in a balanced measure .... and i would have liked to say ; "I am sorry i am hurting your feelings by saying this , but i think the better message could be , for us to sing Halleluja and to remember the cretivity in the universe .... as the Chinese wisdom of the I Ching tells us , we should vigorously and energetically strive towards the positive so that there is no room for grumbling and lamentations . A message which could be expressed in a Poetical metaphore rather than in Prose (as in a command ie stop complaining! ) , and i didn't tell her what was on my mind ..... My dear Lady of the Mannor "Money does not buy Love " but spending time with each other and caring communication, plus having fun times together could certainly do a family a whole world of good ........ and conducive to our generously giving away and parting with the withered moments which we stack up in boxes.
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